I'm a Water Taster

Don't worry, I know how it sounds

I remember long ago being surprised to learn that not everyone seems to taste much of a difference between different water sources. This was a surprise because I find certain types of water downright undrinkable. I’m not being posh (at least in this instance).

Vice has an article on water that led to desire to share my water rankings. So here goes. — Oh, let me note here that I certainly have not tried the absurd vast varieties of bottled water to weigh in on all of them. If someone wants to pay me to take a deep dive into that water…well, lemme know.

~ Good Water ~

Deer Park

Fiji (serious concerns about environmental cost of shipping)

LIFEWTR (extra points for the original artist designs)

SmartWater

CORE Hydration (it’s good but I don’t think it’s worse the price)

Waiākea (serious concerns about environmental cost of shipping (see: Fiji)

Kroger store brand purified water

Giant store brand purified water

Ice Mountain (surprisingly decent tbh)

*Bonus: Well water (from sources regularly inspected as there are potential risks)

~ Acceptable Water ~

Generic store brand “purified water”

Brita filtered tap water

Aqua Panna (they’re cheating with the whole imported Italy in a glass bottle move but it’s decent)

Essentia (ok but overrated… looks like it’ll be way more exciting than it is)

Bai antioxidant water (ditto, fine but unnecessarily expensive and seems all hype)

ethos (fine but it’s just priced up for Starbucks patrons… they should donate more than 5 cents per bottle … I mean, come, on now)

Poland Spring

Evian (look it’s ok but let’s remember it’s “naïve” backwards)  

Ozarka (I know sounds sus but it’s pretty good)

~ So So Water ~

Crystal Geyser (hard to put my finger on it but something isn’t quite right)

Just water (just pretentious)

VOSS (losses points for trying hard, costing too much, and being extra boujee)

~ Bad Water ~

Almost all tap water I’ve tried

Nestlé (for me, this bottle water tastes creamy in a way that is particularly gross… in fairness, haven’t had it in years so maybe they fixed this)

Aquafina & Dasani (last I read the pH is not ideal and can lead to tooth decay at levels equivalent to drinking soda – my understanding is many brands have this pH issue)

Don’t trust the marketing. Alkaline water is not necessarily good for you. Reverse-osmosis water, etc does not necessarily provide health benefits. The good stuff is safe and doesn’t taste terrible. It’s fairly straight-forward imho (keeping in mind I already sound like a snob who says not all water is simply water).

Anyways…thanks for reading. I’m off to go hydrate now.