One year of Chronic Back Pain & The Lingering Effects of The Capitol Insurrection
This story feels embarrassing. I don’t think it should be but it feels that way.
Ok, here goes.
On the first anniversary of the Trump-fueled attack on the U.S. Capitol, I was in a state of increased stress and anxiety. Maybe you were, too.
For whatever reason, everyday errands are something I turn to when I’m struggling. Sounds very… consumer capitalism inspired. Sigh.
Anyways, I bought groceries. I was carrying groceries upstairs. Three flights. Yep, still living in that setup. I was carrying a case of bottled water and, well, I guess I was not carrying it the ideal way. Long story short, my back was not happy with me.
My back continued to not be happy with me. For days. Then weeks. Then months. It would flare up and then settle down…a bit. This was highly disruptive for sleeping and, really truly, basic functioning (in pro terms: your ADLs).
So, that was a big aspect of my 2022.
It took a little while for me to accept that I needed PT. Then, there was a delay in actually getting PT appointments started. The last few months of 2022 typically involved PT twice a week and I’m very thankful for it.
I now begin each morning, regardless of how I’m feeling, stretching in bed before I attempt to begin the new day.
Today, January 6, 2023, I am beginning Round 2 of PT. Waiting to see if insurance is now ready to let me get an MRI. Waiting to see how this plays out.
One of my goals for 2023 is to enter 2024 in less pain, feeling stronger, and feeling more able to engage in everyday tasks.
I have had issues with chronic pain for a long time. This is different. This acute, moderate to high on the pain scale, and long-lasting chronic pain from a clear source is somehow different.
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It’s important for all of us to keep in mind that pain is subjective. In the way that no two griefs are alike, no two losses are alike, no two traumas are alike, so too are no two experiences of chronic pain alike.
Keeping that in mind, it can help to know others out there have some understanding, empathy and, moreover, compassion, for what you personally are going through.
No pressure. If you’d like to share, I’m here to listen.
I have lived with chronic pain and inflammation on some level for close to 15 years. I think people see their personal experiences with pain as a source of shame, because we are always telling ourselves that someone has it worse than us so we shouldn't complain. There are so many people out there with "high-functioning" chronic pain(myself included), but the problem with that is act of masking and getting through the day in itself is incredibly draining. It is so important to advocate for yourself and your needs, whatever it takes to find a solution and higher quality of life. Also wanted to note that experiencing pain that impacts your ability to exist in society on a "normal" level is not a reflection of work ethic or some kind of moral failure. It's hard to convince yourself that you're not a failure for not pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and dealing with it. The conversation on how these things impact mental health could fill a book.
I thought I would lose my mind from pain from deteriorated cervical disks. I had spinal taps, nerve blocks, took lots of Aleve. I was on the brink of a dangerous and often unsuccessful surgery. I have gotten on top of it with a combination of strategies--too much to go into here. Grief makes pain worse, not accepting what "is," makes pain worse.