I don't have suggestions, but I certainly relate. I lived in a neighborhood with good schools, which was only affordable because both of my parents worked. My early books deal heavily with issues of class, which had really become painful when I married up a rung or two on the class ladder.
It was painful as a young wife. When I finally figured out I could be financially secure without taking a dime from either set of parents, and I didn't have to adopt the trappings of a class whose trappings didn't interest me, I relaxed and became myself.
I don't have a better definition, though you are describing situations I saw all the time when I worked in academic support at a small, not-very-exclusive, private college. We constantly found ourselves trying to assist students academically when what they were really experiencing was kind of beyond our control--the sort of psychological/sociological issues that go along with class dysphoria.
My mom's father, a tool and die worker from an agrarian background, hated that he had an 8th grade education when his wife was a high school graduate; and he really hated that my mother went to nursing school and then married "a college boy." There was that resentment of getting "above" your family. Whereas my dad's parents (a barber and his wife) were supportive when two of their five kids attended college. Personal temperament plays almost as large a role as social expectations.
I agree with what I've read here. I grew up solidly MC, lived in an affluent zip code though my neighborhood had modest 1950's homes compared to two other areas of town that had their own names (Southport and Greenfield Hill, "villages" in Fairfield, CT.) There were two public high schools and two private schools in town. I went to public. My parents cultivated the expectation I would go to college, which I did. I realized when I was a young teen and started baby sitting that some MC families had more flashy homes and obvious wealth, so that was the first I felt the divide. The value set taught to me and my spouse (work ethic, how to save money and invest it for growth of wealth) definitely allowed our humble beginnings to "compound". We both have had careers that involve hard work. We're in that subset who live a MC life within our means, though we could spend more. I see so many who have the trappings of wealth (all the toys, expensive vacations) but spend it constantly and have massive debt. We've paid wealth forward to investing in our adult kids. So many slide backward these troubled days because of that, and I think class dysphoria will become a more prevalent topic. A huge example of causation for class dysphoria right now is educated, young adults with professional careers not being able to afford their first home because of college debt and the astronomically risen cost of housing.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story, Nancy.
Sounds like you did it right, in many respects, and in a somewhat traditional way of previous generations (being sensible, saving, not overspending).
You're right about housing. At this point, it's a bit unclear (to me personally... and I've done considerable research, though I do have a bias based on my personal life experience) that homeownership is more of an *asset* (or investment) vs. *liability*. There's more to this story, but that gets into the personal family experience that I know certain family members would prefer I do not discuss publicly.
I grew up in a wealthy family that was emotionally bankrupt–a naturally uncomfortable situation which translated into 20+ years of money struggles. Entwined with class dysphoria, was gender dysphoria (my parents believed women shouldn't work). However, things began to shift when I looked at the many correlations in language between money & self “worth”. Then I could ask myself meaningful questions: Are my words & efforts appreciated? Do I feel I offer value? How do I contribute to the collective conversation? (I'm a writer.) Or invest in others’ lives? (Also a teacher.) This helped me bridge my past into a place of more emotional/financial stability… $ and heart are so intricately tied based on life experience. Honestly, I can thank my family now, for showing me the way.
TY, Mark, for exploring this topic! Made me think & wonder.
I love this response so much, Jennifer, thank you!
I'm sorry to hear about your personal life challenges. We all have them, right?
I see the concept of Class Dysphoria being on a spectrum in the same vein as Gender Dysphoria so I'm glad that is being brought into the conversation.
The questions you raise are important. I think about Rilke's "Live the questions" concept all the time. So much of my efforts for the literary community are bound up in hoping to make the most positive impact.
There is a lot of interesting sociological research and writing about class identity and the social construction of identity. How exactly does "class dysphoria" fit in with that? Are you thinking more in terms of the individual psychological impacts of not fitting neatly in any one class identity?
Thanks for weighing in. Psychological impacts are definitely a component of the experience. It's like being caught between worlds. And yes, "not fitting neatly in any one class identity" is a major component.
A lot to ponder, so can't really answer the questions yet. I certainly have experienced it, growing up middle class (not upper MC) in the 50s-60s, living first in a comfy neighborhood then at 12 in a wealthy area I hated and didn't belong in. I do want to comment on the characteristics listed of WC: that first list was absolutely the values I grew up with, though we had more than the 2nd list describes. But I consider myself privileged because of WHAT MC FAMILIES COULD AFFORD IN THE 50s (I'm not yelling, just emphasizing.) I married and have lived as MC adults w one child and could afford significantly less than my parents did. I still consider us MC, and the fact that we were able to pay for school (a Jewish day school), music lessons and an instrument, and college, makes us quite privileged. I stilll feel dysphoria with expectations of friends who have more discretionary funds, and the necessity to say 'no' to certain expenses. But I was not raised to feel entitled or exempt from the solid values (and more) that are attributed to WC values. Not at all - in fa t, just the contrary. I'm a bit puzzled by that.
I don't have suggestions, but I certainly relate. I lived in a neighborhood with good schools, which was only affordable because both of my parents worked. My early books deal heavily with issues of class, which had really become painful when I married up a rung or two on the class ladder.
It is painful, right, but people aren't supposed to talk about it. Especially in the case of "marrying up".
It was painful as a young wife. When I finally figured out I could be financially secure without taking a dime from either set of parents, and I didn't have to adopt the trappings of a class whose trappings didn't interest me, I relaxed and became myself.
I don't have a better definition, though you are describing situations I saw all the time when I worked in academic support at a small, not-very-exclusive, private college. We constantly found ourselves trying to assist students academically when what they were really experiencing was kind of beyond our control--the sort of psychological/sociological issues that go along with class dysphoria.
My mom's father, a tool and die worker from an agrarian background, hated that he had an 8th grade education when his wife was a high school graduate; and he really hated that my mother went to nursing school and then married "a college boy." There was that resentment of getting "above" your family. Whereas my dad's parents (a barber and his wife) were supportive when two of their five kids attended college. Personal temperament plays almost as large a role as social expectations.
That is a powerful final line.
I agree with what I've read here. I grew up solidly MC, lived in an affluent zip code though my neighborhood had modest 1950's homes compared to two other areas of town that had their own names (Southport and Greenfield Hill, "villages" in Fairfield, CT.) There were two public high schools and two private schools in town. I went to public. My parents cultivated the expectation I would go to college, which I did. I realized when I was a young teen and started baby sitting that some MC families had more flashy homes and obvious wealth, so that was the first I felt the divide. The value set taught to me and my spouse (work ethic, how to save money and invest it for growth of wealth) definitely allowed our humble beginnings to "compound". We both have had careers that involve hard work. We're in that subset who live a MC life within our means, though we could spend more. I see so many who have the trappings of wealth (all the toys, expensive vacations) but spend it constantly and have massive debt. We've paid wealth forward to investing in our adult kids. So many slide backward these troubled days because of that, and I think class dysphoria will become a more prevalent topic. A huge example of causation for class dysphoria right now is educated, young adults with professional careers not being able to afford their first home because of college debt and the astronomically risen cost of housing.
Thanks for sharing this part of your story, Nancy.
Sounds like you did it right, in many respects, and in a somewhat traditional way of previous generations (being sensible, saving, not overspending).
You're right about housing. At this point, it's a bit unclear (to me personally... and I've done considerable research, though I do have a bias based on my personal life experience) that homeownership is more of an *asset* (or investment) vs. *liability*. There's more to this story, but that gets into the personal family experience that I know certain family members would prefer I do not discuss publicly.
I grew up in a wealthy family that was emotionally bankrupt–a naturally uncomfortable situation which translated into 20+ years of money struggles. Entwined with class dysphoria, was gender dysphoria (my parents believed women shouldn't work). However, things began to shift when I looked at the many correlations in language between money & self “worth”. Then I could ask myself meaningful questions: Are my words & efforts appreciated? Do I feel I offer value? How do I contribute to the collective conversation? (I'm a writer.) Or invest in others’ lives? (Also a teacher.) This helped me bridge my past into a place of more emotional/financial stability… $ and heart are so intricately tied based on life experience. Honestly, I can thank my family now, for showing me the way.
TY, Mark, for exploring this topic! Made me think & wonder.
I love this response so much, Jennifer, thank you!
I'm sorry to hear about your personal life challenges. We all have them, right?
I see the concept of Class Dysphoria being on a spectrum in the same vein as Gender Dysphoria so I'm glad that is being brought into the conversation.
The questions you raise are important. I think about Rilke's "Live the questions" concept all the time. So much of my efforts for the literary community are bound up in hoping to make the most positive impact.
Let's keep thinking and wondering.
There is a lot of interesting sociological research and writing about class identity and the social construction of identity. How exactly does "class dysphoria" fit in with that? Are you thinking more in terms of the individual psychological impacts of not fitting neatly in any one class identity?
Thanks for weighing in. Psychological impacts are definitely a component of the experience. It's like being caught between worlds. And yes, "not fitting neatly in any one class identity" is a major component.
And even those who do "fit in" aren't always comfortable.
A lot to ponder, so can't really answer the questions yet. I certainly have experienced it, growing up middle class (not upper MC) in the 50s-60s, living first in a comfy neighborhood then at 12 in a wealthy area I hated and didn't belong in. I do want to comment on the characteristics listed of WC: that first list was absolutely the values I grew up with, though we had more than the 2nd list describes. But I consider myself privileged because of WHAT MC FAMILIES COULD AFFORD IN THE 50s (I'm not yelling, just emphasizing.) I married and have lived as MC adults w one child and could afford significantly less than my parents did. I still consider us MC, and the fact that we were able to pay for school (a Jewish day school), music lessons and an instrument, and college, makes us quite privileged. I stilll feel dysphoria with expectations of friends who have more discretionary funds, and the necessity to say 'no' to certain expenses. But I was not raised to feel entitled or exempt from the solid values (and more) that are attributed to WC values. Not at all - in fa t, just the contrary. I'm a bit puzzled by that.