Pop Battle

~ Breaking Down the so-called 500 “Best” Pop Songs of All Time ~

Billboard released a list of “The Best Pop Songs of All Time” and now it’s time for the inevitable takedowns. In fairness, usually I pick on Pitchfork. Secondarily, I tend to pick on Rolling Stone. A common criticism is the attend to create these lists across genres. It’s not exactly a science to compare hip hop to Americana to EDM to indie rock to…ok, you get the idea.

475. Right Said Fred, “I’m Too Sexy”

This track is bad. It’s funny bad. But it’s bad.

467. Cam’ron, “Hey Ma”

I’m not recommending this for all audiences.

This track holds up extremely well. Cam is funny (in real life) and, for those who can take him with a grain of, uh, ok look it’s gangsta rap… and he commits to the bit… often offensive, sometimes endearing, others can attest that he is quite funny on Instagram.

453. New Radicals, “You Get What You Give”

This sound was annoying when it was on the Top 40 rotation in the late 90s.

Why would anyone possibly want to listen to this track now? I have no idea.

445. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain, “Low”

Ok. This track may feel a bit tired.

I remember it best now for the scene in Tropic Thunder (which is legit hilarious).

It’s a silly club track… if you’re in the right mood it makes you smile.

443. Billy Joel, “Uptown Girl”

It’s not cool but I’m an unabashed Billy Joel fan.

There should be lots of Billy Joel songs on this list imho. Venice, anyone?

437. Maroon 5, “This Love”

Humorously, or terrifyingly, being an Uber/Lyft rideshare driver turned me into a Maroon 5 junky.

Why? Putting on Maroon 5 was, for a time, pretty much guaranteed to be a crowd pleaser for certain demographics of women riders.

I genuinely believe Adam Levine has a killer voice even if he is a d-bag and, for some reason, seems to need “3 or 4” [drinks] to open up about his emotions. (Note: he says this on several tracks.)

436. Diana Ross, “I’m Coming Out”

This is a banger.

434. Walk The Moon, “Shut Up and Dance”

It’s a cute track. An upbeat bop. I feel it’s easily played out, but it’s cute.

429. Len, “Steal My Sunshine”

Even if you listened to this track (and kinda sorta enjoyed it) like I did when it came out… you knew it was bad.

418. Lana Del Rey, “Summertime Sadness”

Not a personal fav Lana track. She’s done better.

410. The Marvelettes, "Please Mr. Postman"

Darn good track.

401. Fountains of Wayne, "Stacy's Mom"

Surprising how well this holds up.

388. Johnny Cash, "Ring of Fire"

Great track. Not disputable.

379. New Order, "Bizarre Love Triangle"

Feels like a hot take but I’ve never loved this track.

It’s wayyy too long.

New Order did much better tracks.

Instead, I recommend Ceremony, which is one of my favorite tracks of all time.

Even better, this video of Thom Yorke (of Radiohead) enthusiastically covering Ceremony. Makes me happy every time I watch it.

368. Rihanna feat. Drake, "Work"

This is a bad track and I thought everyone agreed.

My understanding is that it should exclusively be blasted at Planet Fitness.

365. Blink-182, "All the Small Things"

I’m embarrassed to say I might like this track and a certain other blink track as much, if not more, now, than when I was a teenager. Weird and uncomfortable. Aside: The new album (after 15 years) is… not great. The drumming is, unsurprisingly, kinda wicked though.

364. Taylor Swift, "Anti-Hero"

If this list was not dominated by Taylor Swift tracks it would be a grave injustice.

358. John Denver, "Take Me Home, Country Roads"

All I’m gonna say is that I lived in West Virginia for 5 years and this track is important in Appalachia.

Ok, I’ll add that this also happened to be the hold music at the DMV. On repeat!

355. Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"

I think it got boring.

354. Gin Blossoms, "Hey Jealousy"

Gin Blossoms hold up extremely well. Similar to how I feel about R.E.M.

GB tracks are on regular rotation on my current playlists.

352. Calvin Harris feat. Frank Ocean & Migos, "Slide"

I liked this track… as a rideshare driver.

I have no other use for it.

349. R.E.M., "Losing My Religion"

As aforementioned (see: Gin Blossoms), I love R.E.M. and I think their music is amazing and holds up super well. I was just listening to Murmur the other night (released in 1983 – 40 years ago!) and it sounds like it could have been released yesterday. There’s a double-edge to that statement, but in this case I think it says something noteworthy about the staying power of Michael Stipe’s lyrics and the band’s creativity from track to track and album to album.

339. Smash Mouth, "All Star"

Does anyone really want to give Smash Mouth credit for anything?

333. Natalie Imbruglia, "Torn"

Good then. Good now.

332. Carl Carlton, "Everlasting Love"

Timeless. Definitely didn’t know the name of the artist though.

331. Sonny & Cher, "I Got You Babe"

Somehow, just thinking about this track is making me depressed.

330. Jack Ü with Justin Bieber, "Where Are Ü Now"

The dolphin noise. IYKYK.

Also, this priceless interview with the Biebster… Skrillex and Diplo reveal they can… think… whereas Biebs… well, he has the voice.

327. Sir Mix-a-Lot, "Baby Got Back"

I’m not sure how I feel about people over the age of 12 who are chuckling about this one.

320. Eminem, "My Name Is"

If we’re playing the “overrated vs. underrated” game – Eminem is appropriately rated.

He is one of the Top 5 best rappers of all time. It’s not really up for debate.

I’m not even a super fan. And, I do not appreciate that he’s an adult man who can’t stop being homophobic and misogynist. Grow up bro.

313. Jimmy Eat World, "The Middle"

I have always been a big JEW fan.

The Middle is a reach across the aisle into mainstream type of track. It’s good, but it’s not their best.

311. DJ Khaled feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross, "All I Do Is Win"

Listen to the first 5-seconds of the track and then switch it up.

Let’s be honest, 50% of enjoying a DJ Khaled track is hearing him yell “We tha best!”

309. Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl"

Much like “Bananas”, this is a track that is clearly designed for torture. Cruel and unusual punishment to force a person to listen to this on repeat.

306. Jay-Z feat. UGK, "Big Pimpin'"

As a long-time Jay Z fan, I was never into this track. Overrated.

305. Peter Gabriel, "Sledgehammer"

I love Peter Gabriel but I’d take a lesser known “Red Rain” over “Sledgehammer” any day.

292. Drake, "Best I Ever Had"

Cheesy Drake track. Come on, really?

290. Bob Seger, "Night Moves"

Actually, yeah, this should’ve made the list.

288. The Beatles, "Hey Jude"

I don’t know if this counts as “pop” in modern times.

It is sad… and the artists told you so.

287. The Police, "Every Breath You Take"

Great track though I’ll never forget the time it came on while I was in a restaurant bathroom.

Why would they possibly think this was suitable restroom music?

285. John Mellencamp, "Jack & Diane"

I hate this song. I just do. I hate it.

282. Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean, "Hips Don't Lie"

Good ‘n dance-y. Yes.

279. Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On"

Titanic made it… as many will recall.

Sad song. Not something I actually want to listen to.

I suppose not all pop needs to be a bop.

276. Fun. feat. Janelle Monáe, "We Are Young"

Young Jack Antonoff having fun. (Pun, yes. Ugh.)

It’s a solid track.

275. Tracy Chapman, "Fast Car"

I’ve always loved this song.

And now I can’t stop listening to the Luke Combs’ cover.

If you had told me I’d be listening to Luke Combs this much… I don’t know… 6 months ago… I would have said you needed to see a doctor. Admittedly, I think Combs’ “Beautiful Crazy” is an extremely funny (and offensive) track. You just have to laugh.

272. Depeche Mode, "Enjoy the Silence"

Depeche Mode held up well, in general. I’m not a regular listener but I appreciate what they do.

270. Simon & Garfunkel, "Mrs. Robinson"

A classic.

268. Britney Spears, "Oops!...I Did It Again"

My friends made fun of me A LOT for liking Britney’s album when it came out. ‘Sometimes’ is my favorite track off the album.

267. TLC, "Waterfalls"

Great track. I can’t help but also think of Weird Al’s playful parody.

256. Frank Ocean, "Thinkin Bout You"

It’s taken me time, but I’ve become a big Frank Ocean fan.

I have trouble explaining why even.

It’s definitely a “voice as instrument” situation.

These lounge-style tracks with updated lyrics are good easy listening… and, uh, definitely sex music, let’s be honest.

246. Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down"

This track came out at a time when I was too “indie” to accept it was good (and fun!)

It’s super fun. It’s dumb. I love it.

It’s on current rotation.

244. Rick Astley, "Never Gonna Give You Up"

We are being Rick-rolled by the list itself.

235. Beck, "Loser"

A modern classic.

Speaks volumes about the sentiment of the time when it was released.

234. Bruce Springsteen, "Dancing in the Dark"

Love this song. Great lyrics.

I’m not even a big fan of The Boss, in general.

Necessary plug: Lucy Dacus’ cover is amazing! I listen to her cover far more than the OG version now. This is also true of Dacus’ cover of Phil Collin’s “In the Air Tonight”.

225. Avril Lavigne, "Sk8er Boi"

Perhaps oddly, I like this song more now than when it was first released.

Seems like it would have been more “age appropriate” then, but… go figure.

223. Ace of Base, "The Sign"

A classic sure. There’s a funny cover by John Darnielle (The Mountain Goats) in which he signs this very emphatically. Darnielle has a lot of great covers. Another good (albeit very intense) one is his cover of Carole King’s ‘One Fine Day’.

220. Aqua, “Barbie Girl”

I admit it. I like this song. I’ve always liked it.

219. Carole King, “It’s Too Late”

Is it me or is Carole King underrated and underdiscussed in contemporary times?

212. Guns N' Roses, "Sweet Child o' Mine"

Good track. Humorously bad lyrics.

209. Michael Jackson, "Beat It"

Sometimes you have to try to put aside the life of the artist and enjoy the tunes.

MJ is tops when it comes to singing and you know it.

Who comes close? The Weeknd.

204. Estelle feat. Kanye West, "American Boy"

This is not a good song.

200. Van Halen, “Jump”

I find Van Halen unlistenable.

199. Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"

This track is on my current rotation.

196. Duran Duran, "Hungry Like the Wolf"

I kinda hate that I like this song.

195. Nelly, "Hot in Herre"

Sigh. It was a thing. When it comes on, I do not dislike it. It is fun.

194. Boston, "More Than a Feeling"

Possibly the most repetitive song in radio history.

187. Juice WRLD, "Lucid Dreams"

I think Juice WRLD has no talent and has been involved in the creation of a terrible neo-emo-hip hop-hybrid travesty.

185. Boyz II Men, "I'll Make Love to You"

Good voices never die.

184. Elton John, "Bennie and the Jets"

Elton’s new mashups are on my current rotation.

‘Cold Heart’ is insanely good.

177. Daft Punk, "One More Time"

I’ve never really understood the appeal of Daft Punk. In high school, we watched some of their music videos while high. Maybe that’s as deep as it goes?

175. Run-D.M.C., "It's Tricky"

BMG Music may have taken advantage of an adolescent boy, but on the plus side I got early exposure to Run.

172. Dexy's Midnight Runners, "Come on Eileen"

A one-hit wonder that never gets old.

168. *NSYNC, "Tearin' Up My Heart"

Aged like fine wine.

166. Coolio, "Gangsta's Paradise"

This track felt “Important”.

164. Don Henley, “The Boys of Summer”

Great track. I also love the cover by The Atari’s.

156. Miley Cyrus, “Wrecking Ball”

I admit to listening to this probably more often than seems reasonable.

138. Third Eye Blind, “Semi-Charmed Life”

It makes me strangely happy to see this track so high on the list.

131. Don McLean, “American Pie”

I was taught this song (extensively), over several class periods (if I recall correctly) in Middle School.

This seems very very strange now.

126. Snoop Dogg, “Gin and Juice”

This was always going to be the essential Snoop track to get listed.

124. M.I.A., “Paper Planes”

Points to the Billboard editors for getting this high on the list.

121. Bonnie Tyler, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

I really like this song but this is wayyy too much cred to give in on an all-time list.

120. Tom Petty, “Free Fallin’”

I do not like this song. I do not think it should be on any lists of good songs.

118. Jay Z feat. Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind”

As a modern NYC anthem this should probably be in the Top 50 at the very least.

116. Cyndi Lauper, “Time After Time”

In my opinion, one of the best songs of all time.

112. The Cars, “Just What I Needed”

The Cars was a good band. This is the album I spun on vinyl the most and I only had a brief few years where I fell into a “vinyl phase” in high school.

111. Lorde, “Royals”

As we know, Lorde is too talented for her age. It’s borderline disturbing.

110. Nirvana, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”

Kurt would tell you the track is overrated.

106. Jimmy Buffet, “Margaritaville”

Sorry Parrotheads but I’m just not into it.

105. Toto, “Africa”

Brilliant song. I love the Weezer cover and I feel embarrassed as I admit my love for it.

104. George Michael, “Faith”

I still listen to it on the regular.

94. Vanessa Carlton, “A Thousand Miles”

On my regular rotation. I’ve loved this song since high school when it came out.

93. Fetty Wap, “Trap Queen”

The joy of this track cannot be denied.

90. The Killers, “Mr. Brightside”

Hayley Kiyoko’s cover is better.

89. Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris, “Baby”

This song is… adorable. Biebers voice, I mean, come on now.

Also, props to Luda (aka. ‘cris) for being willing to take it down a notch and write a PG feature.

Fun Fact: This is also one of most hated music videos of all time. Wikipedia can tell you more.

87. Sinead O’Connor, “Nothing Compares 2 U”

A sad, recent loss. An interesting person who led an interesting life. Definitely an “Original”.

85. Destiny’s Child, “Say My Name”

On my regular rotation.

84. Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee, “Despacito”

The remix with Bieber is fun. It really took over for a while there, didn’t it?

You know you’ve made it when you hear someone doing a cover of a song on pan flute in the NYC subway.

79. The Weeknd, “Blinding Lights”

Good track. Kinda crazily, just shortly after it’s release The Naked and Famous released a cover that is better than the original. It was very soon after.

72. Olivia Rodrigo, “Drivers License”

The inclusion of this is an obvious example of recency bias.

69. Notorious BIG, “Mo Money Mo Problems”

Classic.

66. Ariana Grande, “Thank U, Next”

In his stand up, Pete Davidson talks about how even his close friends who were trying to stay by him were like, “You gotta admit it’s good song”.

61. Hanson, “MMMBop”

I’m never going to understand why Hanson was appealing. Teen girls, yes, obviously. Adults?

58. 50 Cent, “In Da Club”

Frankly, overrated.

57. *NSYNC, “Bye Bye Bye”

Classic boy band fun.

55. Rick Springfield, “Jessie’s Girl”

Yep. Still listen to it.

51. Journey, “Don’t Step Believin’”

I like entire Journey albums so… I guess I’m a Journey fan.

50. Rihanna feat. Jay Z, “Umbrella”

Great track.

49. Gotye feat. Kimbra, “Somebody That I Used to Know”

Still confusing to me how if someone can make something this good… well, how are there not more tracks this good. On the plus side, in a similar vein, we have Tame Impala

48. Oasis, “Wonderful”

This is another form of getting Rickrolled in modern times.

44. Otis Redding, “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of The Bay

So very very good.

36. Spice Girls, “Wannabe”

I think it’s actually a pretty decent song.

I saw Spice World in theaters with my grandma. ‘nuff said?

28. Tears for Fears, “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

Love this song. Love Tears for Fears. Also, I love the Nas track ‘Rule’ which samples this track.

20. TLC, “No Scrubs”

Classic.

18. Beyonce feat. Jay Z, “Crazy in Love”

Maybe a tad bit overrated to make it into the Top 25.

17. Fleetwood Mac, “Dreams”

This song and the album “Rumors” are amazing.

15. Mariah Carey, “Fantasy”

Yes. Good song. Timeless voice.

14. OutKast, “Hey Ya!”

Did we think we’d be here when “Hey Ya!” first was released? I don’t know…

In any case, every time I put it on I’m bored after about 30 seconds.

13. Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”

Yes Yes Yes. All hail Queen Nicki.

10. The Beatles, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”

I heavily dislike this song.

9. 2Pac, feat. Dr. Dre, “California Love”

Sigh, ok. It’s decent. I’m not going to say it’s amazing. I don’t dislike it. Do I like listening to it? No, not really.

8. Carly Rae Jepsen, “Call Me Maybe”

This is a very good pick for the Top 10.

6. Madonna, “Like a Prayer”

Can’t deny it. “Like a Prayer” and “Like a Virgin” are both extremely good songs.

5. Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone”

I have to believe this is recency bias. I don’t think this is a track that will hold up over time. Not to this degree. Her voice is not that mind-blowing or unique. It’s decent, not great, not timeless.

4. Backstreet Boys, “I Want It That Way”

We might be getting carried away putting Backstreet Boys in the Top 10. Top 25? Sure.

3. The Temptations,  “My Girl”

A good song. A sweet song. A song people actually want to listen to often? Not so much.

2. ABBA, “Dancing Queen”

This is a bizarre choice. ABBA was defining when it comes to “What pop music is about”… there’s something to that.

1. Whitney Houston, “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”

On rotation.

Good choice.

Whiney is an obvious contender for the top spot. In the end, when it comes to pop music, the artist’s voice plays an outsized role in determining what works, what is good, what is timeless.